This is the third and last part in our series about Backpacker Stereotypes. Chances are you have seen some of them while backpacking Thailand, or as you read further may realise that you are one of them. Have fun and enjoy your holiday in Koh Phangan. Check out part 1 and part 2 on the Phangan Explorer website, www.phanganexplorer.com
The Bore - Backpacker in Haad Rin, Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Bore
The Bore - This backpacking-type exists in two distinct and separate sub-species, and both are equally as unwelcome if sat next to on a bus or train.
The first variety of Bore is the Travel Bore, who is operating under the mistaken belief that you actually care how many pillows you get at Bunky Backpackers in Darwin, or how much rice you can buy for 20p from Mam's Pad Thai in Bangkok, or why he prefers Dan's Tours to Dave's Tours at Wagga Wagga, or why he likes to make hats out of aeroplane sick bags. This backpacking-type will happily chat for hours about the relative merits of various rucksack features, and how he used Internet to send photos to himself.
The second variety of Bore is a more common variety and has less complex characteristics. He or she is, quite simply, a Bore. Initially friendly and approachable it becomes all too clear all to fast why this person is travelling alone. Dull, dull, dull! How can the travel experience have failed so miserably in producing an interesting, well-rounded individual? This backpacking type has so little personality that if they were alone in a room, there would be no-one there! Move seats and get the hell out before your brain melts!
Lovesick Backpackers backpacking in Thailand
Lovesick
Lovesick - This backpacking-type has been persuaded by friends and family to take a year out to travel the world and have some fun before she settles down to a career and a boyfriend. The trouble is, she was already nicely “settled down” before she left, thank you very much!
Her new traveling friends take her to some amazing and wonderful places, and she is meeting more interesting and fascinating people than she could shake her mobile phone bill at. However, despite the incredible opportunities travel has opened up to her, she still hates everyone who coerced her into leaving the UK in the first place. You see, she's left her boyfriend of three years back in England at his accountancy job in Milton Keynes and regrets every day she spends on the other side of the world without him.
“Why did I love him?” she blubbers as she calls him on her mobile phone for the millionth time that afternoon and waking him up at 3am due to the time difference. “I miss him so much! I wish I'd never left home! I bet he's seeing Sandra! I HATE it here!”
The Romeo Backpacking type in Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Romeo
The Romeo - You set off on journeys around the world to expand your mind, broaden your horizons, learn about new cultures and, wherever possible, have lots of energetic and sweaty sex with rampant, horny fellow travelers and lascivious, insatiable locals. Unfortunately, Mother Theresa saw more action in her life than you have over the last few months.
Why?
Because The Romeo (a hunky, gorgeous, charming and well-hung backpacking-type) is busy servicing all womankind leaving you stuck in hostel bar with a group of inebriated Germans and a Japanese tour group for company.
The Corpse - Backpackers Thailand, Koh Phangan
The Corpse
The Corpse - No matter what time of day you check into a youth hostel on your travels, when you enter you dorm room you will invariably encounter The Corpse.
The Corpse is a mysterious, static and lifeless pile on the bottom bunk of a bed in the darkest corner of the dorm. He is presumably asleep, and occasionally emits a grunting, snorting noise to remind everyone of his inert presence.
Whenever you return to the dorm room, night or day, The Corpse will still be there, dead in the corner. More caring travelers periodically check The Corpse for a pulse, but otherwise this guy has become part of the furniture.
Oh well, at least he's having fun!
The Adrenaline Junkie Backpacker in Koh Phangan
The Adrenaline Junkie
The Adrenaline Junkie - Woah! Righteous, dude!
The Adrenaline Junkie lives life in the fast lane, a self-confessed hardcore nutcase with an unhealthy obsession with extreme sports that borders on the insane. This backpacking type has several screws loose and a heavy metal soundtrack running in his head. If you can jump off it, tie yourself to it then throw yourself down it, slide down it, climb up it, surf it, dive it, ride on it, swim in it, hang off it or otherwise similarly endanger your sanity, health and well-being, the Adrenaline Junkie will be there, leaping over the edge stark naked and yelling “WOO-HOO!!!” at the top of his voice.
Look for: The Adrenaline Junkie can be seen anywhere extreme sports are found. Usually New Zealand, where taking part in such activities in one's Birthday suit is free of charge. Any country that invented bungee jumping from a paraglider and throwing yourself down a steep hill in an inflatable sphere is the Adrenaline Junky's kinda place!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Backpacker Stereotypes pt.2
This is the second part in our series about Backpacker Stereotypes. Chances are you have seen some of them while backpacking Thailand, or as you read further may realise that you are one of them. Have fun and enjoy your holiday in Koh Phangan. Have a laugh and don't take life to seriously.
Doomed - Backpacker in Haad Rin, Koh Phangan, Thailand
Doomed
Doomed - Oh dear! Always a sad story to relate, and this backpacking-type has had her fair share! How she got herself into this state we'll never know! Usually found to be many months, even years, into her travels, and often encountered in cheap bar in South East Asia. The “Doomed” backpacking-type has run of thousands of pounds-worth of debt across three credit cards, has used up her parental “life-lines” and has somehow let her two-month tourist visa expire without renewing it. She has probably even mislaid her passport as well.
Put simply, she is DOOMED!
Doomed to be hounded by creditors if she returns home, and doomed to be hounded by immigration if she goes near an airport.
Her solution? Getting absolutely wasted on charitable donations and the remainder of her credit cards, working on the old adage that if you ignore a problem long enough it might just go away!
Look for: She'll be the one partying like it's 1999, buying drinks for everyone, then turning into a gibbering, depressed wreck at the bar at 3am when she sobers up enough to realize exactly how DOOMED she is!
Guidebook Backpackers Thailand
The Guidebook
The Guidebook - This guy sure as hell knows his stuff! Why seek advice from professional travel agencies and road-tested guidebooks when this backpacking type knows exactly what you want to be doing and how you should do it?
Anything you have done or planned to do; anywhere you have visited or about to travel to, The Guidebook will have been there, done that and got the T-Shirt. Not only that, he will obviously have done it better, cheaper and smarter than anyone else.
Of course, The Guidebook is a self-styled travel guru, at pains to ensure that everyone is aware he has been everywhere and knows more than the Lonely Planet. Consequently he boasts a superior, nonchalant and dismissive attitude to everything, and won't waste time in telling hapless fellow travelers that wherever they are going is rubbish and that they are about to make the biggest mistake of their travel moments before they depart.
Look For: A smug, opinionated and self-congratulatory air. Usually male, he is found at most backpacker destinations and is always on hand to dispense his words of wisdom, whether welcome or not. Face it, this backpacker knows more than you do… if you choose to believe it!
Hippy Backpacking type in Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Hippy
The Hippy - Can be either male or female, this backpacking-type is easily identified by the facial hair, dreadlocks and smell of BO. This backpacker drones on incessantly about how he/she achieved “spiritual enlightenment” in Asia (smoking opium with hill tribes) and how all the problems in the World could be resolved if only the good vibes and peaceful attitudes, like, engulfed the World in a wave of love, man!
Look for: This backpacker spends most of his/her time bumming around the Khao San Road barefoot or wearing mouldy and cheesy flip-flops and playing a badly tuned guitar. Will often interrupt conversations with rhetorical, philosophical and irrelevant Zen-like sayings guaranteed to irritate the hell out of everyone present.
The Couple - Backpackers Thailand, Koh Phangan
The Couple
The Couple - Ahhh, aren't they sweet? The Couple are testing the strength of their relationship by braving the South East Asian backpacker trail together, before living with each other in Australia for a year on a Working Holiday Visa.
They are a vital and ever-present part of the backpacking scene, although most travelers tend to avoid them. This is in part because no-one wants to be “the gooseberry”, but mainly because it is obvious that neither are up for a meaningless shag.
Look for: arguments or lovey-dovey behaviour. Listen out for comments from other travelers along the lines of “GET A ROOM!!!” or “HOW DID HE GET HER??!”
The Domesticated One Backpacker in Koh Phangan
The Domesticated One
The Domesticated One - From about 6pm, the communal kitchens of most youth hostels along the backpacking trail become a hive of activity as weary travelers unenthusiastically attempt to create something edible from the meager contents of their food bags and boxes. Some hastily prepare chicken noodles or cup-a-soup. Others try to make beans on toast more interesting by adding chili powder and cheese. Some poor fools try to make stale bread palatable by microwaving it.
Amongst all this confusion of gastronomic incompetence steps “The Domesticated One”.
Every evening she shamelessly and innocently sets about combining a symphony of sumptuous and appetizing ingredients, creating a mouthwatering and delicious meal before the disbelieving and incredulous eyes of a hungry group of fellow travelers: roast dinners, casseroles, delicate curries, lavish Italian specialties… even meals with vegetables!!
No-one needs reminding that their diet is atrocious while on the road, but to have a fellow traveler taunt them with such wonderful food feels like a betrayal!
Doomed - Backpacker in Haad Rin, Koh Phangan, Thailand
Doomed
Doomed - Oh dear! Always a sad story to relate, and this backpacking-type has had her fair share! How she got herself into this state we'll never know! Usually found to be many months, even years, into her travels, and often encountered in cheap bar in South East Asia. The “Doomed” backpacking-type has run of thousands of pounds-worth of debt across three credit cards, has used up her parental “life-lines” and has somehow let her two-month tourist visa expire without renewing it. She has probably even mislaid her passport as well.
Put simply, she is DOOMED!
Doomed to be hounded by creditors if she returns home, and doomed to be hounded by immigration if she goes near an airport.
Her solution? Getting absolutely wasted on charitable donations and the remainder of her credit cards, working on the old adage that if you ignore a problem long enough it might just go away!
Look for: She'll be the one partying like it's 1999, buying drinks for everyone, then turning into a gibbering, depressed wreck at the bar at 3am when she sobers up enough to realize exactly how DOOMED she is!
Guidebook Backpackers Thailand
The Guidebook
The Guidebook - This guy sure as hell knows his stuff! Why seek advice from professional travel agencies and road-tested guidebooks when this backpacking type knows exactly what you want to be doing and how you should do it?
Anything you have done or planned to do; anywhere you have visited or about to travel to, The Guidebook will have been there, done that and got the T-Shirt. Not only that, he will obviously have done it better, cheaper and smarter than anyone else.
Of course, The Guidebook is a self-styled travel guru, at pains to ensure that everyone is aware he has been everywhere and knows more than the Lonely Planet. Consequently he boasts a superior, nonchalant and dismissive attitude to everything, and won't waste time in telling hapless fellow travelers that wherever they are going is rubbish and that they are about to make the biggest mistake of their travel moments before they depart.
Look For: A smug, opinionated and self-congratulatory air. Usually male, he is found at most backpacker destinations and is always on hand to dispense his words of wisdom, whether welcome or not. Face it, this backpacker knows more than you do… if you choose to believe it!
Hippy Backpacking type in Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Hippy
The Hippy - Can be either male or female, this backpacking-type is easily identified by the facial hair, dreadlocks and smell of BO. This backpacker drones on incessantly about how he/she achieved “spiritual enlightenment” in Asia (smoking opium with hill tribes) and how all the problems in the World could be resolved if only the good vibes and peaceful attitudes, like, engulfed the World in a wave of love, man!
Look for: This backpacker spends most of his/her time bumming around the Khao San Road barefoot or wearing mouldy and cheesy flip-flops and playing a badly tuned guitar. Will often interrupt conversations with rhetorical, philosophical and irrelevant Zen-like sayings guaranteed to irritate the hell out of everyone present.
The Couple - Backpackers Thailand, Koh Phangan
The Couple
The Couple - Ahhh, aren't they sweet? The Couple are testing the strength of their relationship by braving the South East Asian backpacker trail together, before living with each other in Australia for a year on a Working Holiday Visa.
They are a vital and ever-present part of the backpacking scene, although most travelers tend to avoid them. This is in part because no-one wants to be “the gooseberry”, but mainly because it is obvious that neither are up for a meaningless shag.
Look for: arguments or lovey-dovey behaviour. Listen out for comments from other travelers along the lines of “GET A ROOM!!!” or “HOW DID HE GET HER??!”
The Domesticated One Backpacker in Koh Phangan
The Domesticated One
The Domesticated One - From about 6pm, the communal kitchens of most youth hostels along the backpacking trail become a hive of activity as weary travelers unenthusiastically attempt to create something edible from the meager contents of their food bags and boxes. Some hastily prepare chicken noodles or cup-a-soup. Others try to make beans on toast more interesting by adding chili powder and cheese. Some poor fools try to make stale bread palatable by microwaving it.
Amongst all this confusion of gastronomic incompetence steps “The Domesticated One”.
Every evening she shamelessly and innocently sets about combining a symphony of sumptuous and appetizing ingredients, creating a mouthwatering and delicious meal before the disbelieving and incredulous eyes of a hungry group of fellow travelers: roast dinners, casseroles, delicate curries, lavish Italian specialties… even meals with vegetables!!
No-one needs reminding that their diet is atrocious while on the road, but to have a fellow traveler taunt them with such wonderful food feels like a betrayal!
Backpacker Stereotypes
Obsessive Backpacker in Haad Rin, Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Obsessive
The Obsessive - Exclusively female, this backpacking-type has her oversea travels planned with all the precision and organization of a military campaign. Likely to throw a major tantrum if her schedule is interrupted or in any way changed, this is a girl on a mission. She is usually found itemizing her laundry, maintaining a type-written itinerary or having a shouting match with her submissive friend.
Look for: The submissive friend traipsing along several paces behind wishing she had never agreed to leave home.
Rudeboy Backpackers Thailand
The Rudeboy
The Rudeboy - No, unfortunately he isn't confined to naff resorts on Spanish or Greek islands. This “Chav on Tour” is usually British and nearly always male, although genetically he bears closer resemblance to our simian ancestors.
Usually observed traveling in groups of other Rudeboys (so all intellectual conversation can be avoided), he is treating his year abroad as if he were spending a week in Magaluf: pissing his savings up a wall in Sydney within hours of arriving in Australia. He is always broke yet mysteriously always able to find some way to get totally drunk and throw up in public. This UK ambassador is doing his best to ruin traveler/local relations.
Look for: he's a mouth-breather and knuckle-dragger, wearing football shirts, bling-bling jewellery, prison-white trainers and sporting a really bad sunburn.
The Scandic Stunner in Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Scandic Stunner
The Scandic Stunner - Not necessarily Scandinavian, this backpacking-type is all the proof you need that sunshine, fresh air, exercise and a healthy sex-life do more good for physical beauty than any given diet plan. Tanned and pneumatically-chested, this backpacker always looks heart-shatteringly sexy, even after 16 hours cramped on a long-haul bus journey. She can be found at any given backpacker destination and hostel, and will probably be enjoying regular, energetic sex with anyone but you. Typical!!
Look for: Come on, do you seriously need any clarification here?!?
The Girlie Girl Backpacker in Koh Phangan
The Girlie-Girl
The Girlie-Girl - This backpacking type can be found at any given destination. She is typically female, although there have been unconfirmed rumours of the occasional male Girlie-Girl spotted while traveling. She is pink, cute, giggly and talks in a high voice with effected US TV-style “question-mark” intonation and use of, like similies, like, all the time. Unless she is American, then she talks like this anyway.
She loves her teddy bear and her boyfriend, is prone to tantrums and crying fits and is fussy about food, hostels and local customs. She resents walking great distances (she is always wearing impractical, but “very pretty” footwear), hates spiders and creepy-crawlies and cannot exist without all the comforts of home.
For this reason she has brought half a ton of make-up, and industrial-size hairdryer, curling tongs, several gallons of shower gel, shampoo, hair care products, moisturizing cream and enough footwear and clothing to successfully run the wardrobe department of a Hollywood chick-flick. She'll also have one of those weird shower-puff things that girl always leave in hostel dorms and shower and forget to take with them.
Look for: A rucksack/suitcase so heavy even the SAS would baulk at carrying it. Nevertheless, she has used her charm (and probably tears) to can same poor sucker into dragging it along for her!
The Stoner Backpacker in Thailand
The Stoner
The Stoner - This backpacking-type could look deceptively unremarkable, but is actually single-handedly keeping the economies of several small South American countries afloat with an eyeball-popping, mind-blowing pot habit. This backpacker is never afraid to experiment with new substances, is always able to locate a supplier wherever he may be and yet is magically able to avoid investigation by the police and immigration. The Stoner tends to be a popular character in most youth hostel dorms.
Look for: Bloodshot eyes focused on the middle distance, inane grin and busy hands, constantly rolling joints or rummaging amongst clear plastic bags and items wrapped in silver foil.
The North American Backpacking Thailand
The North American
The North American - “For real, dude! He's Canadian! You thought he's American? NO WAY, dude!! Like, check out the sweet-ass flags on the backpack, dude! This, like, so totally rocks!!”
The Obsessive
The Obsessive - Exclusively female, this backpacking-type has her oversea travels planned with all the precision and organization of a military campaign. Likely to throw a major tantrum if her schedule is interrupted or in any way changed, this is a girl on a mission. She is usually found itemizing her laundry, maintaining a type-written itinerary or having a shouting match with her submissive friend.
Look for: The submissive friend traipsing along several paces behind wishing she had never agreed to leave home.
Rudeboy Backpackers Thailand
The Rudeboy
The Rudeboy - No, unfortunately he isn't confined to naff resorts on Spanish or Greek islands. This “Chav on Tour” is usually British and nearly always male, although genetically he bears closer resemblance to our simian ancestors.
Usually observed traveling in groups of other Rudeboys (so all intellectual conversation can be avoided), he is treating his year abroad as if he were spending a week in Magaluf: pissing his savings up a wall in Sydney within hours of arriving in Australia. He is always broke yet mysteriously always able to find some way to get totally drunk and throw up in public. This UK ambassador is doing his best to ruin traveler/local relations.
Look for: he's a mouth-breather and knuckle-dragger, wearing football shirts, bling-bling jewellery, prison-white trainers and sporting a really bad sunburn.
The Scandic Stunner in Koh Phangan, Thailand
The Scandic Stunner
The Scandic Stunner - Not necessarily Scandinavian, this backpacking-type is all the proof you need that sunshine, fresh air, exercise and a healthy sex-life do more good for physical beauty than any given diet plan. Tanned and pneumatically-chested, this backpacker always looks heart-shatteringly sexy, even after 16 hours cramped on a long-haul bus journey. She can be found at any given backpacker destination and hostel, and will probably be enjoying regular, energetic sex with anyone but you. Typical!!
Look for: Come on, do you seriously need any clarification here?!?
The Girlie Girl Backpacker in Koh Phangan
The Girlie-Girl
The Girlie-Girl - This backpacking type can be found at any given destination. She is typically female, although there have been unconfirmed rumours of the occasional male Girlie-Girl spotted while traveling. She is pink, cute, giggly and talks in a high voice with effected US TV-style “question-mark” intonation and use of, like similies, like, all the time. Unless she is American, then she talks like this anyway.
She loves her teddy bear and her boyfriend, is prone to tantrums and crying fits and is fussy about food, hostels and local customs. She resents walking great distances (she is always wearing impractical, but “very pretty” footwear), hates spiders and creepy-crawlies and cannot exist without all the comforts of home.
For this reason she has brought half a ton of make-up, and industrial-size hairdryer, curling tongs, several gallons of shower gel, shampoo, hair care products, moisturizing cream and enough footwear and clothing to successfully run the wardrobe department of a Hollywood chick-flick. She'll also have one of those weird shower-puff things that girl always leave in hostel dorms and shower and forget to take with them.
Look for: A rucksack/suitcase so heavy even the SAS would baulk at carrying it. Nevertheless, she has used her charm (and probably tears) to can same poor sucker into dragging it along for her!
The Stoner Backpacker in Thailand
The Stoner
The Stoner - This backpacking-type could look deceptively unremarkable, but is actually single-handedly keeping the economies of several small South American countries afloat with an eyeball-popping, mind-blowing pot habit. This backpacker is never afraid to experiment with new substances, is always able to locate a supplier wherever he may be and yet is magically able to avoid investigation by the police and immigration. The Stoner tends to be a popular character in most youth hostel dorms.
Look for: Bloodshot eyes focused on the middle distance, inane grin and busy hands, constantly rolling joints or rummaging amongst clear plastic bags and items wrapped in silver foil.
The North American Backpacking Thailand
The North American
The North American - “For real, dude! He's Canadian! You thought he's American? NO WAY, dude!! Like, check out the sweet-ass flags on the backpack, dude! This, like, so totally rocks!!”
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